Saturday, December 18, 2010

What to do when you have it all?

What do you do when you truly have everything? I mean it. What do you do? And by everything, I mean all the things that matter most.

Christmas came early for me this year. I have a healthy dad (more than a miracle), I have an expanding family (my brother finally popped the question to his long time love), we have a trip to one of the most beautiful places in the world to look forward to, and I got to dance all night long last night. Now the latter may not seem quite as important as the others but, let me assure you, it's a big deal. It's a rare event that anyone will go dancing with me and an occasion that brings me more happiness than I can adequately communicate. Such a good time!

I have a new job with some great opportunities ahead of me and I am in great health, running half marathons again and loving every minute of it. I have the pleasure of supporting an outstanding non-profit organization that helps to create very different futures for some remarkable, albeit high risk, youth. It's the stuff of goosebumps and it's my life. I know how fortunate I am.

So I ask you again, what do you do when you have it all...and still feel there is something missing? I can hardly believe I'm thinking it myself. I have everything and yet I'm still seeking something more: a family of my own.

Does my search for more threaten what I already have? Will I ever be satisfied, I wonder? Am I asking for too much?

There is some small, rational part of my brain that assures me I can, and likely will, have what I seek one of these days but precisely because it's so important to me, I find myself in this dark and superstitious place (which I can't imagine will increase my chances, truth be told). Perhaps the proper question to be asking myself is how on earth I can get out of this frame of mind and into a much more positive, optimistic one?