Book Launch + Whiskey Bar = Good Times Tonight

I don't believe in coincidence, as the four of you who follow my blog know well, even more so since making the decision to embrace "the gift." So when I saw earlier on Twitter that Ryan Knighton's book launch for C'mon Papa: Dispatches from a Dad in the Dark (http://www.ryanknighton.com/cmonpapa.html) is tonight, I perked up. I think I need to be there.

Here's my logic:

1. I just finished reading The Globe & Mail's review of RK's book this past weekend and was going to pick up a copy as a result (check it out at http://www.theglobeandmail.com/books/review-cmon-papa-dispatches-from-a-dad-in-the-dark-by-ryan-knighton/article1560445/)

2. I live in Vancouver. The book launch is in Vancouver. Could I receive a clearer message to be there? I didn't think so either.

3. I sort of collect authors as a hobby. Just in my spare time. It's not officially a full time job or anything but when you (meaning me) essentially network for a living + read voraciously, the lines can sometimes blur. Don't get me wrong, I don't take them home with me or anything (...only once did that happen and I swear it will never happen again!). In all seriousness, I thoroughly enjoy learning about how someone translates their story into a book for all the world to see...probably because I can't imagine having the courage to do so personally...so when I have the opportunity to meet an author, I will usually jump at it.

4. While I can see very well with the aid of contact lenses or my glasses, I was born with rather severe eye problems and am legally blind without corrective lenses. I appreciate my ability to see every single morning when I can just pop in my contacts. As a result, I have real empathy for those who have lost their sight. Read RK's story to learn how he started to lose his sight from age 18 on...nothing like a little more perspective to keep you (me again) humble.

5. I have a thing for dad's who are in love with their kids (not like an obsessive, fatal attraction thing, just an "oh, isn't that heartwarming?", kind of a thing, which is sort of pathetic to think that these dads seem to be the exception, not the rule, but I digress). I also have the utmost respect for talented writers who can make me laugh...or cry, for that matter. If that happens to be the same person, then I definitely want an opportunity to meet and support them.

6. The launch is taking place at Shebeen Whisk(E)y House in Gastown. I don't drink whiskey but with all the bizarre psychic activity going on around me these days, I might start tonight. At the very least, I could use a drink.

So there you have it. That's why I'm going to be there this evening. Intrigued? You should come. Visit RK's blog for more details: http://rknighton.blogspot.com/2010/04/upcoming-toronto-and-vancouver-events.html.

Hope to see you there.

Are You Sure About That? - Part I

My adventure into the realm of psychic exploration officially took off after my last psychic reading 2 weeks ago. Actually, that's not entirely true. My last reading was, more accurately, the straw that broke the camels back. It was the one that finally compelled me to act.

To demonstrate just how stubborn that makes me, I've been going to see her every year for about 11 years now. Eleven! And she's been not so subtly nudging me to move in this direction for at least the past 6.

So we sit down and right away she picks up that something is missing in my life. Work is good, family is good, I'm surrounded by great people...yadda, yadda, yadda...but, yes, something is indeed missing. And I know exactly what that is! That's why I came to speak with her. I'm giddy with excitement.

I'd been dating a great guy but really wasn't sure if he and I had a future. My gut was telling me that we probably didn't...something was missing...but I was looking for some additional guidance. I could almost hear the words she was about to say...and then she said, "You're missing a part of yourself that you haven't been tapping into, Sonja. You're missing meaning in your life; a connection to something bigger."

What? Hold on a second. My mind was racing. How could she have left out the guy? It was so obvious...even to me!

"Ahh, really? I sort of thought I was missing something in my relationship."

"No, Sonja, this has nothing to do with a relationship."

"Are you sure about that? Do you maybe want to check again? I'm pretty confident it's about love."

"No, Sonja, it's not"...she said, chuckling at me.

I wanted to argue with her but knew better. I was feeling so deflated. I was sure I had it figured out. With some hindsight now I can see I was clearly in denial, trying to avoid what she really wanted me to hear.

There was to be no dating guidance in this particular reading, unless you count the fact that my abilities - soon to be tapped into - will keep away those who aren't serious and can't hack it. You know, I get that, big picture, this is a great thing, but I don't care who you are...no single person wants to hear they're about to have less prospects in their future. Am I wrong? Didn't think so.

As much as I wanted to be a bigger person and focus on all the incredible things she was sharing with me (more to come on that later) as I walked away from my session, all I could think was how complicated my dating life was about to become.

Aren't psychics supposed to be evolved past all this petty human stuff? Do I really have "the gift" or, as my rational brain kept asking, could this just be some kind of cosmic mistaken identity?

Not Sure I'm Primed & Ready For That Exactly

I'm a self professed dabbler. I dabble in a bit of this and I dabble in a bit of that. I like to try new things and I am always open to experiencing something new and out of my comfort zone. Since I can remember, I've always been drawn to learn about the things I don't understand. "Why?" was very likely one of my first words...much to my mother's chagrin (I was not an easy kid to manage).

When my mom couldn't answer my daily barrage of "why?" questions, observing human nature (and later delving into the study of psychology) became my best teacher. I was a reflective and sensitive kid and, unbeknown to me at the time, I was watching and studying what drove people to behave the way they do. As a result, I've always been pretty good at reading people, especially picking up on what isn't being said.

My thirst for knowledge, obsessively self-reflective mind and my love of a good story, have led me to some pretty interesting people and some wildly "out there" experiences. Which brings me to my newest adventure and the unbelievable things that are unfolding before me now. Ah, yeah...how exactly do I say this? Do I just come right out with it? Very well then...ah, yup, well apparently I am psychic (and with that, I think I have officially crossed the line from dabbler to student...and most definitely crossed the threshold of my comfort zone).

Which brings me to the present. I haven't been blogging lately because I've been trying to wrap my head around all of this. And by that, I mean trying to logically explain it all, which, just for the record, is not possible.

I should clarify that this hasn't just happened overnight. It wasn't like I woke up one day and just suddenly had "the gift." It seems this has been a life long process in the making for me...something similar to the "overnight" success that, upon further research, was actually 14 years in the making behind closed doors and without any fan fare.

Interestingly, I've been told for years that I have certain "abilities" I could be tapping into. I've been told this by multiple, and quite random, people at that. I sort of thought that was intriguing but I can't say I ever had a sense of what to do with that information. As much as I love learning about spirituality and enjoy a good psychic reading once a year for "fun", I've been quite resistant to exploring it in any depth on a personal level. That was until very recently, and that's when everything shifted...and I mean everything.

So I think I found the theme for my blog finally. Can't say I saw this one coming.

Humble Pie

I love it (meaning not at all actually) when I come back to read a past post of mine only to realize I wasn't ranting about anyone other than myself.

Disappointed with...myself.

Confused by...me again.

Lack of patience with...you guessed it, moi.

How incredibly frustrating...and so very humbling.

Enough Already

I am well overdue for a good rant.

I really try people, really I do, to be open, understanding and patient but do you have to test me at every f'n turn? Really? Is that absolutely necessary?

Do you really think "I'm sorry" is the panacea? The cure all?

Empty words is all I'm hearing.

Do you really believe that your crappy behaviour will be forgotten if you don't mention it and pretend it never happened?

How old are you? 6?

Do you really think you can get what you want without putting an ounce of effort into actually achieving it?

Keep on dreaming because that's the only time you'll have it.

Do you actually believe that putting your head in the sand will make everything go away?

Have another pitcher, my friend.

Do you really think that you can treat people the way you do and not expect that to come right back at you?

Get a grip.

Do you truly believe that if you withhold the truth people won't notice?

Give your head a shake.

Do you really think you are the only person out there struggling?

Of course you do, you self-absorbed ego maniac.

I realize we are all doing the best we can most of the time but today, as I look around, it's feeling like we're falling rather short.

And then, as I'm writing this, as if the universe is responding to my very question, I get a call from a friend who is working hard to do the right thing...full of fear and doing it anyway...and my faith in people is restored.

Sort of takes the wind out of my sails actually.

Clarity...At Long Last!

What a remarkable seven days it has been. I think it would be fair to say that I am in the transition zone, part way through my confusion, just about through to the other side I would guess. And through this phase, this is what I am learning (again, in some cases) and what I know to be true today:

* Fence sitting has its uses. It holds an important message: when in doubt, wait until you have more information. There is no need to rush things (easier said than done, I realize, but you'll see...).

* When your doubt has diminished, when you might still feel some fear or trepidation yet in spite of it all you are more than ready to jump wholeheartedly into something, that is when you know it's the right time for you to take action. It doesn't have to make logical sense (which is often where I get tripped up)...but it does have to grip you in some way. That's your gut giving you a clear message. Listen to it and take the risk.

* Being genuinely honest with yourself (so you can be honest with others) is the only way to be. If you're not being completely honest with yourself, don't expect anyone else to be open and honest with you. It's just not possible, nor is it reasonable.

* (Ok, this one is quite cliche...perhaps they all are, but that's because they're all so true) The moment you trust yourself (won't go quite so far as to say "believe" in yourself because that's even too pithy for me), so too will others. That true confidence comes through loud and clear on every level. People notice it...even if they don't know exactly what it is they are noticing.

* When love (yes, people, I said love) walks in, there is no mistaking it. Once you recognize it, all those reasons you (meaning me) were on the fence, instantly fade away. Everything you either need to do or need to stop doing, becomes crystal clear. It is that simple. It is that certain. It is that calm.

How's that for clarity?!

A Letter to Fear

Dear Fear,

We've had such a long history together and, after all these years, I feel I know you well. I think it's fair to say that you've always had the best of intentions with me. I know you mean well and are only looking out for me. I really do. You've always got my back and alert me to situations and people I should run in the other direction from (...yes, I realize I'm stubborn, and yes, I should have run faster at times...but that's not the point here).

Fear, I need to step away for a while. It's not you...trust me...it's me. I just need some space to clear my head; have an opportunity to think some things through to see what I come up with...without your help.

You've taught me well, Fear, and I will take those lessons with me moving forward, but it's time I take some risks again. I used to be so open to taking risks and yet, lately, I can't recall the last time I did. I seem to be stuck in a bit of a passive place and it's not sitting well with me. I'm just not prepared to sit back and watch life pass me by.

I already know what you're going to say so please don't. This will be easier if you just let me finish. I know what I'm opening myself up to. I understand things may not work out the way I expect. I may even get hurt in the process. I guess what I'm saying is, I don't care what the outcomes are. What I care about is moving forward, past your warnings and minute-to-minute live updates, and experiencing new and exiting and maybe even life changing things. Can you understand that?

I'll still hear your voice in my head. I'll know when it's time to sit back or walk away. You don't have to worry. You've been a good friend, Fear. You've done your job well and you deserve a bit of a holiday yourself. Aren't you exhausted by this point?

Now, if you could just have a quick word with Money before you begin your vacation. I was thinking perhaps they can take your place at my side for a while and I can get to some of the good living a little sooner than later?