Tick Tock

Crisis averted. Dad is home after 22 days in hospital. HUGE sigh of relief! And the clock is still ticking on my life. Look at that. No time out for taking care of others. Bummer. You know, this critical illness stuff is terribly distracting.

So how did I do on last week's self-imposed assignment? Yeah...about that...

I got about as far as creating a list of the things that get me excited and feeling genuinely engaged (other than reading, of course). And here's what I've got so far:

Dancing - one of my favorite things to do and after 20 years of training, it's still something I absolutely love. Turn the music up loud and let 'er rip. It's a great feeling to be so in tune with yourself physically and the perfect solution for a down mood or to shake off a difficult day. Anywhere, anytime.

Writing - one cannot be on autopilot when they're writing...at least I can't be (although I'm sure that's debatable)...especially when I'm reflecting on myself, my behaviour, or an experience I've had. I need to be "on" and definitely present...hence not writing for more than a week here or elsewhere. Always a red flag in my books.

Negotiating - it's one of my favorite parts of the job. It takes some thought to bring two parties to agreement on a deal, or to uncover some common ground, especially if there was never any to begin with. I find negotiating, mediating and closing a win/win agreement incredibly satisfying.

Training - I have always loved training. It's been a very big part of my career, until recently, and I find I'm missing it these days. What I love about training groups of people is how much I learn and grow from the experience. Not to mention how satisfying it is when the light bulb goes off for participants and they have grasped a new concept or you watch as their behaviour reflects their new learning. Now that is exciting.

Adventuring - this is a rather all encompassing category, I realize. It includes everything from hiking a new trail or creating one that didn't exist before...training for a new physical challenge...meeting new people...traveling to a new place...trying something I have never tried before...and on the list could go.

All of these things get me into "the zone", if you will. It is during these times in particular when things seem crystal clear to me; my mind is agile, flexible, adaptable; I'm able to rapidly generate new ideas, alternatives and solutions (or is it that they somehow just seem to flow through me?); I am only focused on what I am doing in that moment; I feel I have access to, what seems like, many more resources than I had before; I am learning, satisfying my curiosity and I am being challenged.

Learning is a big part of each of these activities and why, I'm sure, I love to read so much. My book choices, generally on the heavier side, tend to be about topics I want to learn more about, be they other cultures, other ways of living/thinking, new experiences and travels...supporting me to understand something or to look at it in a new way.

Creativity, as I am just realizing, is also a key component in this list of mine. Hmmmm...that's interesting to me. I haven't considered myself to be creatively inclined. Analytical, yes. Creative, not so much. But looking objectively at the list, each would be difficult to engage in and enjoy if creativity wasn't part of the recipe.

So what does it all mean? F*ck if I know at this point. But I do know that feeling lost, like I do these days, is never a bad thing (although that reminder comes in handy about 56 times a day at the moment). It is simply a step along the path that leads to a new destination. The only way out, I know, is through...and I've got to be getting closer every day, no? Certainly hope so.

Ciao for now,

Sonja